Being a Statistic

I read somewhere that life is about the journey and not the destination. My journey as a veteran has been full of twists and turns and things that go bump in the night. As an active duty Marine, the one steadfast belief everyone shared was that you were an absolute idiot for getting out. Why would you ever want to voluntarily give up your 3 hots and a cot for the uncertainty that civilian life holds?

The journey. My whole reasoning for choosing the Marines was not because they had the highest promotion rates, or that I had some legacy to live up to. I wanted the journey. I wanted extraordinary circumstances and succeed beyond expectations. I wasn't worried about where I was ending up but how well I was going to grow when I got there.


There is no glory here. I get a sense of purpose but never significance. Taking off the cap isn't a small feat; finding how to put it back on is the trick.

Thoughts on Google+

Google finally took advantage of YouTube. I don't know why this is such a surprise for everyone. They have been pushing this integration for months now by constantly spamming whether or not I wanted to use my 'real name' on YouTube AKA create a Google+ account. Now that it's happened I find the collective internet people outrage justified on the terms that the change was unwarranted, but here's why I think this may turn into a good thing. 

The internet has gone through so many transition periods it's amazing. I remember when everyone was on AIM and AOL and that was just how things were. Next, we moved onto Yahoo, then Myspace. I'm pretty sure a lot of users just decided that when the collective transitioned there was no need to delete old accounts. I'm pretty sure my old yahoo account (screamokid, haha) is still active and receiving ungodly amounts of spam mail. My point is that all of these actions, all of these separate accounts, if integrated together, would cut down on bandwidth usage per user. 

I'm going to give this a shot and if it doesn't work out what do I have to lose? See you out there.

It's time to start leave.

As I sit in the airport waiting to get on the plane and go to San Francisco I can only think of what seeing my family and friends is going to be like. I haven't seen them in all in such a long time. I can't help but worry if I'm going to pass their approval. They all thought it was such a big deal when I joined the Marines, not because I was leaving but because of the reputation that the Marines have of changing a person.

I feel as though most importantly my demeanor has changed. I now feel much more in control of the world around me, and especially of situations that happen to arise at any time. I still have my faults though. When in a boot camp mindset I felt as if every situation was extremely important, and an opportunity to show my skills. Now that I have been stationed in Quantico for almost a year and a half I realize that this is not so. I have mellowed out. Some Marines would call it 'becoming complacent.' But I know that is not so. I have only realized how to recognize the differences between a situation that calls for critical thinking and those that only need a leader.

In terms of the physical aspects I have definitely become faster, stronger, and with more endurance. When I think of the person that I was before and how I handled myself in the physical sense I know I have so much more advantage now. I hope I can keep up with my little brothers! They have both become so big and strong that it bothers me. I know Matthew is taller than me now, which makes plenty of sense. He has always eaten a lot his entire life, so it doesn't surprise me that he turned into a monster. I only wish that I hadn't hurt myself lifting a while ago, I was at the peak of my physical fitness and pushed myself too far in the gym. Now I come home missing a lot of the build that I had once acquired from lots of hard work. Well, I guess it doesn't matter, they will love me for who I am and what I present to them.

I'm super excited to be handing out lots of Christmas presents this year. I've never once gotten the opportunity before but it truly is better to give than to receive. Buying all the presents and imagine my loved ones reactions was worthwhile enough. But let me tell you, that feeling also happens to be VERY expensive. Hahaha. I got the head of the families all presents, so hopefully that is sufficient. Buying all of the extended family presents would get very expensive. My outlook for how I was going to buy Christmas presents this year was a bit different than I had originally thought. I went for quality over quantity. I hope that they enjoy it greatly. Well I'm boarding my flight to San Francisco here soon. Will update periodically throughout my trip home.

Thoughts on furthering the Warrior of Light...

I've been struggling lately with listening to that little voice in my head that says to be different. When you join something as organized and conformist as the military you grow accustomed to falling in line, and doing anything you can to not be spotted as different. When you are looked at as different you have one of two options for how you will be perceived by others, as a leader or as a weakling. Neither is something anyone strives to become and neither is necessarily bad.

I think it is almost harder to become a weakling than a leader in comparison to a lot of the things I see and hear from my fellow enlisted. If I decide to wake up early or immediately after work and go to the gym it's looked at as odd, or too 'moto'. This goes just the same for school, many marines have asked me why I would go to school when you've got a GI Bill when your done? Because I'm bored, that's why. I tend to think of these as traits that all Marines should try to emulate, but the productivity begins and ends when the time card is punched. So I guess the key to being a leader is to be very secretive in your attempt to surpass the masses. If your ascent is noticed then there is a problem with it, because it is different.

This is where my dilemma lies, I have never been one to stand in line quietly. I have always spoken my mind, fought for what I believed in, asked questions, and never considered how others viewed me as important. In a military environment that takes a huge toll on your credibility, if you are different it is impossible to predict how you will act in scenarios, and therefore makes you a hassle to deal with. I have for quite some time now stood in line patiently, not speaking because I had nothing of importance to say. However, I am tired of the monotony of the days.

I am a man of impulse, and if I act on these impulses I will move like water objective to objective until I come along a new path. Life is about maturing the spirit, growing more well-rounded as a being. I feel like I have drifted from this path and become more preoccupied with the interests of others. I am going to take this for what it is worth, I will do my job and do my job well while at the same becoming a man that knows who he is, and not who he is told to be.

How's this for motivation.

Today is just another lazy Sunday. I woke up this morning and decided that I was going to make a change. I happen to do this every day. What changes am I intent on today instead of yesterday? Nothing different than what every person wishes. To live life a little better. To take some time away from the unimportant monotonous things that become a daily ritual and turn that energy into something constructive. I'm talking about taking away from the constant thought that something important has all of a sudden posted on my Facebook, and instead organizing my room for the better. That's just an example. Perhaps it will get dirty again, or perhaps I'll decide that it will be part of my daily ritual to put things back where they belong. Maybe you already do this, but I'm sure I do some things you wish you could do.

This idea that life is a rat race seems a bit too dark for me. To conceive that every human being is competing against one another on a large scale to gain control of resources and therefore, security for tomorrow, seems a bit pessimistic. I don't think that my roommate wants to beat me to the punch more than he wants to better himself. I don't consider myself an obstacle in his endeavor any more than I consider you an obstacle to yours. I think the rat race is within ourselves, to beat the person we woke as. Making that daily progress towards a self-realized individual. While it may seem unattainable, we all strive for it. We have an inner sense that we are a good person, but always have that want to be a better person. And for those of you who have children, siblings, nephew, nieces, cousins, or any kind of the assortment of little beings who look up to you for guidance and protection, for them to be better than we were at their age.

So maybe it isn't that we are attempting to be better than everyone else, but that we are trying to be better than ourselves, for the people that need to be better than us. And that is how I view our strive for progress.